is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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