$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
