If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
