I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
