Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
