How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
