you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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