Duck Duck Cougar?
even my farts smell like vagina
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
