It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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