She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
