I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
