I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
