I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
