every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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