Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
