she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
