how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
