it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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