So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
