the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
