I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
