We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
