Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it was like eating out sand paper
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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