I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
