why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
