Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
