You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
