the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
