glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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