You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
