The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dick very happy bro
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
