mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
