i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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