Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
