I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
