I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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