She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
