a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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