sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
