What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
