With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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