VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
