so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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