the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
