you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
