Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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