I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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