I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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