tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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