Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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